It's Tuesday...

I had a happy, silly Truth Tuesday planned for today, but I'm honestly not in the mood to write it anymore. Maybe next week I will be in a better mood and can write something fun.

The truth is lately I've been stressed, annoyed and maybe a little depressed. I've been regretting, second guessing and questioning every decision I've ever made! I think my recent grumpy mood has a lot to do with my lack of caffeine circulating through my bloodstream. Really, there's just a bunch of stuff going on here and it's all more than I want to deal with! I just want everything to be perfect and our life to be easy, obviously that isn't possible.

I feel torn between wanting to travel more, wanting a house and deciding where we should live. We have talked about leaving Tennessee and going to Arizona where Rob and I both have family. A few years back, we were planning a move to Arizona but we chickened out. We visited a few times and really loved it there but we worried about the heat. It's kind of funny that we were too afraid to move to the state next to us but not too afraid to get rid of almost everything we own for life in a travel trailer. I feel okay with living in Arizona. But, if it were completely up to me I would live in Washington, Oregon, or Colorado. I really love all three of those states! I know we will have an easier time finding a job in Arizona, though, and my family will be around to babysit once in awhile if we need it. Rob's parents are in Arizona too, so we can visit them more often. I am also hoping my brother will make me delicious food once in awhile since he's an awesome cook!

On a side note, my parents accepted an offer on their house. It was the first offer they received and in my personal professional (I am still a licensed real estate agent in California, after all) I think they should have counter-offered for a little more money. It is their decision, though, and I'm not there to really know all the details of their offer. I am happy for them, though. It was an all cash offer and they will be closing escrow at the end of this month! It's all happening very fast for them and they aren't exactly sure what the future holds for them other than some time in Arizona. They are very lucky in that their house still had equity so they will be walking away with enough money to do what they need to do.

Maybe they'll buy an RV and we can just follow each other around the country. Ha, ha, I'm kidding. I think they would love traveling and I would love to retire and do this all over again with Rob, but I am definitely ready for a house, wherever we decide to live! I really would like to slam a door when I'm mad and have enough hot water to fully clean myself in the shower!

Some pictures of the girls at my parents' house:

G loved hanging from this tree

G again in the tree

L picking apples

Dad probably kicking Rob's butt at pool

Mom, C and A playing in mom's backyard

At a yard sale, the girls were rocking out with L's BFF H

Truth Tuesday: I'm Torn

Rob talked to my dad a couple days ago about my parents selling their house. We were hoping my parents would move out here to Tennessee and be near us but we knew they might end up in Arizona with my brother. While my dad was talking to Rob my dad said they would be going to Arizona once their house sells.

My dad has an opportunity to work for himself if he goes out there. My dad is an amazing dude, he can make all sorts of things and fix anything I've ever needed fixing. My dad turned L's old crib into a bridge to go over his backyard fish pond. He's done a million other things but my brain isn't wanting to remember those things right now. My brother is a chef in Arizona. My dad made my brother some sort of wood knife protector/case thingy and I guess all of my bro's chef friends want them. So, if my dad is in Arizona he can have this little business going. I personally think he should make furniture and stuff too because he's pretty awesome!

So, here is where I am torn; do we stay in Tennessee or head to Arizona?

 I miss my family very much and I am thinking of moving to Arizona to be with them. We had talked about moving to Arizona a few years ago but never really did it because we weren't sure we would survive the heat. If we were to go there we could be near my parents, my brother and only a few hours from Rob's mom and step-dad who live in a different part of Arizona. I would also be able to stuff my face with In-n-Out on a regular basis. We would be closer to Disneyland, the beach and our old friends. But, it is hot as a mother out there and I might melt. My body really doesn't like heat, my face gets super red at just a slight temperature increase and so does A's. I will be needing tons of makeup to not look like a crazy weirdo! It will also take A LOT of money for us to get back there.

Thank you In-n-Out for making my life decisions so hard

I LOVE Tennessee. It is such a beautiful state and we have had so many fun adventures in the short time we've been here. The thing that I worry most about here are the whirling winds of death! Tornadoes scare me more than I could ever explain. I just feel like I really want to live and I want everyone I know to live. I have always said that I could never live somewhere with tornadoes because it was just too scary. Being here we have had one tornado warning already and I was terrified but we didn't die! A man did die during that one though, when a tree fell on the shack (it was a real shack) he was living in and some buildings were damaged about 30 miles from here. I don't like that we have no one here, there is no one to put on the girls' emergency cards when they get enrolled in school. No matter where we go I will most likely go back to work. If we stay here I have this huge fear of a tornado coming and not being able to get to all of the kids spread out all over the place in time. I guess I know my fears are irrational but I'm still worried about it.

Let's review the pros and cons of each place:

Arizona -
Pros:
No tornadoes
Animal Fries
Closer to places we love
Close to family
My mom can babysit for us
Cons:
Hot as a mother trucker in the summer
Brown and dry
Neither of us has a job there (but when we were looking to move there a few years ago we both got calls for jobs we applied for so it might not be too hard to find work there)

Tennessee -
Pros:
Lots of places to explore and see
Pretty trees and tons of water
Closer to places we'd like to visit on the East Coast
Close to Rob's dad who is only a few hours away in Alabama
Rob has a job (it isn't the job he wants and it doesn't pay what he was making before but he has a job)
Cons:
Tornadoes
We know no one here
Humidity
Houses in our price range are tiny
Putting C in daycare
No one to watch the girls so Rob and I can have a "date night" once in awhile

I don't know what we will end up doing. Some days I wake up ready for Arizona and other days I think I want to stay here in Tennessee. It's hard and I just want us to do the right thing. We have always lived close to my parents so it's weird to be so far from them.

** On a side note, we had a great day trip to Chattanooga over the weekend to celebrate A's birthday. I took over 100 photos so once I go through them I will post about the things we did!

Truth Tuesday: My Parents' House

My parents are trying to sell their house and it makes me sad. I haven't told them that I am sad and I know it is probably for the best but I will miss their house!

I didn't necessarily grow up there, my parents bought the place when I was 17 but they have owned it for about 15 years and I have a lot of memories there! We lived with them off and on for five years after getting married. Our wedding party was there, most of our kids were born while living there and our kids have spent tons of time with my mom and dad at that house.

I will miss the avocado trees, the fish pond, the lemon tree, the pomegranate tree and all the other fruit trees. I will miss the smell of the roses in the front yard. I will also playing games in the grass with everyone. I will miss holidays at their house and watching my dad and Rob light fireworks on Fourth of July.

I am also sad because L's best friend, also known as her BFSFL (best fake sister for life, for those not in the know!) lives two houses down from my parents. L has known H since kindergarten and they have been friends through all of our multiple moves. It's sad to think that we might not ever go back there and that we might not ever see H again, we all feel like she's a part of our family.

My parents have put so much work into their home. It was nothing like it is now when they bought it. They have built things, fixed things, added things, changed things and done so much to make it their house. They have had to start over in the house, after a fire in the garage that destroyed the garage and ruined everything they owned inside the house. They lost everything in that fire and spent months dealing with shoddy contractors and break-ins, just trying to rebuild their garage and repair the damage to their house so they could have a place to live again.

I hope my parents will be happy after they move and I hope everything works out perfectly for them. I think they haven't been happy in that house for a long time. It will be sad to know that strangers will be living in their house. I hope the people that buy it appreciate all the things my parents have done and I hope they don't touch all of the wonderful trees that my parents have planted.

My favorite avocado tree (of the three they have) is in the background!

We took the above picture on our last day in California. It is the last picture I have of my parents' house. It's also the last picture I have of my parents. I miss them very much! I miss their house, too. They have worked very hard to make their house perfect for them, it's a shame their neighborhood is going down the crapper. They don't know where they're going for sure when they do sell the house, maybe with my brother in Arizona or maybe (and hopefully) where ever we are. Or, maybe they will fall in love with somewhere else and end up there. Where ever they go, I hope they are as happy as humanly possible.

Truth Tuesday: I Might Hate Homeschooling

I hate to admit it but I most days homeschooling wears me out and frustrates me.

I thought I went into this with lots of information and I had tons of ideas but it's just not going how I envisioned it. I had big dreams on how this was going to go but it hasn't been anywhere near what I thought it would be. Maybe that's because my family isn't the kind of family I thought it was. We are loud, obnoxious and a little bit crazy. It's hard to get everyone to sit down and focus on school. I thought I could do this easily since I did waste the last four years of my life trying to get a teaching degree.

It's not easy! It's hard. Super hard. The girls don't always listen and sometimes I wonder if they're learning enough.

This face basically sums up how G feels about school work!

G hates reading, she basically refuses to do it and the day almost always ends in a struggle to get her to read just a few pages of anything. She has come a long way and is reading much better than she used to but she still hates ALL books and I don't know how to get her to like reading. A can fly though her work, she is finishing up all of her workbooks right now. I planned those books to last the entire year. We have only been at this since October! I have to find more work for A so she can keep learning, I haven't figured out what exactly to do with her yet while she finishes all her lessons. L hates the workbooks, she says they are all boring. I'm sure that is true but I really don't know what else to do. We spent a lot of money getting books and workbooks for the kids and I feel like we have to stick it out with them because we paid money for these things.

There has been good times. We have done field trip days and I have tried to teach them about the places we've visited on this trip. The best school day we had was the day we spent with the park ranger at Padre Island National Seashore. The ranger there was awesome! He spent so much time explaining EVERYTHING to the girls. They loved the touch table, too. After talking to the ranger we went out to explore the beach and find all the fun things we learned about. The girls also enjoyed learning about the history of Petit Jean State Park in Arkansas. Now that we aren't traveling the fun has lessened. Rob is working a lot and we are stuck in the RV.

I feel like a huge failure because I'm not having fun doing this! At the same time, I don't know for sure that I want to give up. I feel like if I had one more year, to find better curriculum, I could make it work. I also feel like having a house will make it easier. We will have more space for fun things and more room for the girls to separate when they get on each others nerves. Even so,  the girls will be going back to school.

Rob is ready for them to go back to school. They will probably be enrolled in a public school shortly after we find a house. We are trying hard to find a house that fits all our needs and has great schools, it's not easy.

I will miss the girls when the go back to school but I think it will probably be for the best. They will have an easier time making friends in their new town if they go to school and maybe G will have better luck in the classroom. I will be less stressed as well. We will have more time for fun things and I think it will make everyone happier in the long run. It's still a bummer though, that wasn't all roses and cupcakes.

***Truth Tuesday was L's idea. The kids like to read the blog, when she saw I was replacing Confession Friday with Flashback Friday she said I should move the confessions to Tuesday and call it "Truth Tuesday" so that's what I did :)

Confession Friday: I Love Fudge, Especially When it is Homemade

I have a deep love of fudge. It is quiet possibly the best candy in the universe. Everywhere we go, if a place sells fudge you can bet I'm buying it. I've had fudge from Knott's Berry Farm back home in California and Sea World San Diego every time we went. I have also had fudge from Bass Pro Shops and even grocery store fudge. The best store-bought fudge has to be from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory though. And, that place has so many other goodies, you could seriously gain ten pounds just walking into the store!

We had a tradition as a kid that every year we had fudge at Christmas. It was basically the only time each year that I had fudge, I looked forward to it very much growing up! My mom had the recipe written down in her recipe book, the recipe was from my grandma, which I think made me like the fudge even more. Each year I would feel like we were including my grandma with our Christmas even though she wasn't around anymore.

When I became an adult I was very excited to make the fudge on my own. One Christmas I volunteered to make the fudge and bring it to my parents' house for Christmas dinner. I asked my mom for the recipe. She pulled out her book and wrote it down for me. I went to the store with Rob and we began gathering all the supplies. I was so excited. As we grabbed the marshmallow fluff, a key ingredient, I turned the jar over. What did I find on the back? I was shocked to see my grandma's recipe on the back of the marshmallow fluff jar. I felt bamboozled! I couldn't believe that what I thought was a treasured family recipe was something of the back of a jar! Robert, of course, thought it was hilarious. We went home with the ingredients and made the fudge. It was delicious, just like always.

Since the first time I made my grandma's fudge to now the marshmallow fluff jar has changed the recipe slightly. I follow the new recipe, simply because I lost the original recipe my mom gave me. I have since written down the fudge recipe in our recipe book, just in case the makers of the fluff decide to change it again or for some reason they put a new recipe on the back of those jars!

Even if it isn't my grandma's recipe this fudge is the best! Much better than any other fudge I have bought. I would eat homemade fudge maybe everyday! I love it so much, I wish I had some right now. Maybe someday I'll get creative and make something other than plain fudge, maybe some peanut butter fudge, or do a caramel swirl, or even a mint fudge. Ooh, the possibilities are exciting me!

Once we get into a house it will be the first treat I make since we didn't have it this Christmas and most of us were very bummed about that. We don't have all of our pots and pans and cooking tools in the RV so I don't have a saucepan that would be good enough to cook the ingredients and I don't have a baking sheet large enough to cool the fudge on.

I am glad that three out of the four girls like fudge. So, I know they will continue to make it when they're grownups and I will be so excited to eat it when they bring it to my house for Christmas dinners!

Photo: Kraftrecipes.com Fantasy Fudge Recipe

Confession Friday: I Don't do Barf! (might be TMI but that's how I roll)

Tuesday night C wasn't feeling well, probably due to all the sweets they ate while celebrating G's birthday. In my room we had a "barf bucket" in case C started throwing up from her tummy ache.

G was sick on Wednesday. She crawled into my bed and said she didn't feel good. She had a tummy ache and a headache. I told her to go lay on the couch and watch cartoons for a few minutes and I'd be up in a second. She asked if she could take the "barf bucket" with her, just in case. Of course I said yes! She took about two steps before she was throwing up in the bowl. Rob was asleep on the couch so he helped her out. And, I did what I always do, yelled from the bedroom "thanks for handling that! You know I don't do barf!!"

I can't handle it. Just writing about it is making my stomach turn. I can't stand throw up. I can't even deal with my own puke. I try to avoid it at ALL COSTS. I can handle a blown up poopy diaper leaking down my kid's leg but puke is a big NO.

I am very thankful for my husband who does handle all the barf in this house! He will come home and clean it up in the middle of the night from work. He's cleaned it from our floors, couch, beds, walls, EVERYWHERE! I am lucky to have married someone with such a strong stomach and someone that lets me say "I don't do barf!"

Love this dude for so many reasons and especially for his ability to handle barf!

Confession Friday: Never Been to a Wedding. Never Been to a Funeral

The other day we drove out to Hendersonville to look at a house. After, we decided we had to stop by Johnny Cash and June Carter's graves. I took a few pictures but it was cold and dark so they aren't very good. Maybe I'll post them after I upload them to the computer and take a look.

Anyhow, back to the point. After we got back, I realized I'd never been to a funeral.

I know a few people that have passed away. Most importantly, my grandma. She is really the only family I ever had (besides my parents and little bro). She died when I was young, five or six. There was a lot of drama around her being cremated and buried. She ended up being taken back to Michigan, where she was originally from. My mom didn't get to go to the funeral, and obviously neither did I. When we started our cross-country trip I wanted to go to Michigan to try to find her grave, we never made it up there but I do hope to someday find it!

The only person in the world that has EVER been aloud to call me Jenny also passed away. She died a few years ago and the details surrounding her death are pretty heartbreaking. She was a good person who just made some bad choices. She is the reason I am married to Rob, if I hadn't known her I would have never met him. I didn't find out about her death until after her funeral. I don't know that I would have gone, we hadn't spoke in a few years, but maybe I would have, if I had known about it.

Honestly, I am thankful that I have never been to a funeral and only know a handful of people that have died! I am lucky that most of the people that I know and love are happy and healthy! I hope everyone keeps it that way for A LONG, LONG time!!!

As for weddings...the only one I've been to is my own, and boy was that a depressing one. Rob and I sort of had a rushed relationship. We met, fell in love, and got married within a few months and right before he left for Navy boot camp. I was 19 when we got married. Before meeting him I'd never thought about getting married. I wasn't the girl that dreamed my whole life about my wedding, I had no desire to ever get married or have kids...until I met Robert. So, I didn't put much thought into our quickie wedding and Rob said he "didn't want to dress up", so we didn't. I find our wedding photos quiet embarrassing so don't count on ever seeing one here...or in my house...or really anywhere. So, my "casual", quick Vegas wedding doesn't count as a real wedding. And, the "chapel" we were married at doesn't even exist anymore, it was bulldozed to build a new casino. Which further emphasizes the fact that we didn't have a "real" wedding.

I know a few married people. Most were either married before I knew them. Some were married during a period where we weren't close or didn't talk. I don't know a whole bunch of single people. The ones that are single will probably not be getting married anytime soon and if they do I suspect there won't be any fancy shenanigans going on. I guess my only hope of going to be a real wedding will be when my children are adults and get married. I will make darn sure these girls have AMAZING weddings!!!